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"How the Vest Was Won" - 1 Sentence Project - Editor Agent Smith
"She returned along the gantryway wearing Pillman's famous black vest."
This is the first story of a flash-fiction length short story that we'll build together. In this thread, post your suggestions for the next sentence of the story - just one sentence. After a bit, I'll choose which sentence, and then repost the story so far. We'll go on like that until we reach a complete story.
- Agent Smith
This is the first story of a flash-fiction length short story that we'll build together. In this thread, post your suggestions for the next sentence of the story - just one sentence. After a bit, I'll choose which sentence, and then repost the story so far. We'll go on like that until we reach a complete story.
- Agent Smith
Discussion started by AgentSmith , on 03 January 12:07 PM
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May I second kaedance' thought? It would be a cool thing for people to read this.
Tuesday, 30 August 2011 16:53
Smith, can we hope to see this published in Anachron? After all, I believe you and the editor are on excellent terms...
Tuesday, 30 August 2011 15:22
Citizens of Creation, lol. And you're right, Kae - where did the edit button go? Terra? Terra?
Thursday, 11 August 2011 13:49
The complete tale of "HOW THE VEST WAS WON!" - thanks to Kae and Rmoore for the ending - and we're still left with a little mystery. I think we should expand on this universe. We should think of a kind of shared universe where Crudge and Ranna's world can be expanded on. Thanks to everyone who contributed, I really like this story. Here it is:
HOW THE VEST WAS WON - written by Citizens of Creation on Myouterspace.com
She returned along the gantryway wearing Pillman's famous black vest. The unmistakable oil slick finish twisted the reflections of steel girders and the unbelieving stares of those who doubted. The winter wind chilled her face and drew tears to her eyes, blurring the ramshackle buildings and prairiescape surrounding her; that, and the fact that her only other obvious accessory was a slightly melted B-84 rocket launcher, suggested all had not gone exactly as planned.
The short, ruddy figure waiting at the end of the gantryway moved toward her, his eyes roving across her torso and the vest with a whispered "good god, you came out alive." "Yes," she replied. "And as per our agreement, I will be requiring the use of your pants."
He stepped closer and leered, "I never agreed that I'd remove them myself - why don't you show me just how you melted that rocket launcher?" Ranna shrugged and took aim: "As you wish."
Crudge sidestepped the smoking barrel and stumbled back as he pulled down his pants. "Blazes, lass, you can just tell me." Ranna stood her ground, brazen in the rising wind, dust and grit blowing off the old barge, through the crowd and around her legs. "You know it's not just your overs," she menacingly added. "I need the identi-suit you're wearing underneath." His dirty pants, suddenly freed from their occupant, crumpled like Crudge's hopes. He shouted back at the leers and laughs:"There's not even a decent cup of coffee on this whole damned rock!"
The odor of burnt hair and charred leather wafted across the scene as a nearly half dead Pillman lurched towards the now parting crowd. "Give me that vest, Now!" he raged and coughed uncontrollably. Ranna laughed: "You lost it fair and square; you and Crudge can count yourselves lucky, now, so both of you put your lederhosen back on before I puke!"
"I'll see you in hell before I let you take my vest," groaned Pillman, with a strangely triumphant light in his eyes, sinking to his knees as a small, round object dropped from his burned hand and rolled within a few feet of Ranna. Crudge's gasp could be heard over the suddenly silent crowd: "By the beard of a feckless goat!" he swore, "it's the emperor's eyeball!"
Ranna cursed under her breath as Pillman sneered through blackened lips, "Oh yes, I found your little bauble - and stopped it before it got to the data banks. Too bad your emperor will never learn of my masters' plans! Now give me back my vest - thanks to your rocket-launcher, I'll need to clone again!"
Slowly, carefully, Ranna peeled the reprogrammed Vest from her shapely form and held it close to her breast; her subtle smile giving no hint of the genetic mutating which Pillman unwittingly faced. " 'Now your identisuit, Crudge!' Pillman snarled - and Crudge, with the crust from last night’s chili dog glinting in his moustache, and breath whistling defiantly through his nose, unzipped the front of his suit and shrugged it down to his waist, allowing the dry prairie wind to tousle playfully through the hair on his shoulders and letting his belly swing free in shower of crumbs, before pushing it to the ground and stepping out of it, proud and magnificent.”
Pillman snatched the vest from Ranna the way a hungry dingo snatches an unguarded baby, and sighed as he pulled the black garment over his shoulders and the pain began to vanish as the healing of his scorched flesh commenced; the promise of full-bodied relief made the idea of putting on the Crudge-stained identi-suit more palatable. As Crudge shook the remaining crumbs from his Identisuit, someone stifled a gasp as the smoking wounds on Pilman's body were slowly replaced by a fresh new skin of scales.
Pillman's face twisted from pain to surprise and fear as he realized what Ranna had done to the vest in the few minutes she held it - altering the garment's cloning process to include the DNA patterns of the native desert-lizard, a creature possessed of unusual healing abilities, but alas, no higher brain functions to speak of.
Crudge chuckled as he wrestled the black vest from the hissing lizard, which scuttled away across the hard pan sand. "I reckon this is yours now, lass. But we had better hurry if we're going to return the orb."
Ranna gently picked up the emperor's eyeball, eyeing it pensively as she mused, "funny how your last hope for sentience lies with me, isn't it?" She straightened suddenly and looked at Crudge. "Did you say 'we'?"
HOW THE VEST WAS WON - written by Citizens of Creation on Myouterspace.com
She returned along the gantryway wearing Pillman's famous black vest. The unmistakable oil slick finish twisted the reflections of steel girders and the unbelieving stares of those who doubted. The winter wind chilled her face and drew tears to her eyes, blurring the ramshackle buildings and prairiescape surrounding her; that, and the fact that her only other obvious accessory was a slightly melted B-84 rocket launcher, suggested all had not gone exactly as planned.
The short, ruddy figure waiting at the end of the gantryway moved toward her, his eyes roving across her torso and the vest with a whispered "good god, you came out alive." "Yes," she replied. "And as per our agreement, I will be requiring the use of your pants."
He stepped closer and leered, "I never agreed that I'd remove them myself - why don't you show me just how you melted that rocket launcher?" Ranna shrugged and took aim: "As you wish."
Crudge sidestepped the smoking barrel and stumbled back as he pulled down his pants. "Blazes, lass, you can just tell me." Ranna stood her ground, brazen in the rising wind, dust and grit blowing off the old barge, through the crowd and around her legs. "You know it's not just your overs," she menacingly added. "I need the identi-suit you're wearing underneath." His dirty pants, suddenly freed from their occupant, crumpled like Crudge's hopes. He shouted back at the leers and laughs:"There's not even a decent cup of coffee on this whole damned rock!"
The odor of burnt hair and charred leather wafted across the scene as a nearly half dead Pillman lurched towards the now parting crowd. "Give me that vest, Now!" he raged and coughed uncontrollably. Ranna laughed: "You lost it fair and square; you and Crudge can count yourselves lucky, now, so both of you put your lederhosen back on before I puke!"
"I'll see you in hell before I let you take my vest," groaned Pillman, with a strangely triumphant light in his eyes, sinking to his knees as a small, round object dropped from his burned hand and rolled within a few feet of Ranna. Crudge's gasp could be heard over the suddenly silent crowd: "By the beard of a feckless goat!" he swore, "it's the emperor's eyeball!"
Ranna cursed under her breath as Pillman sneered through blackened lips, "Oh yes, I found your little bauble - and stopped it before it got to the data banks. Too bad your emperor will never learn of my masters' plans! Now give me back my vest - thanks to your rocket-launcher, I'll need to clone again!"
Slowly, carefully, Ranna peeled the reprogrammed Vest from her shapely form and held it close to her breast; her subtle smile giving no hint of the genetic mutating which Pillman unwittingly faced. " 'Now your identisuit, Crudge!' Pillman snarled - and Crudge, with the crust from last night’s chili dog glinting in his moustache, and breath whistling defiantly through his nose, unzipped the front of his suit and shrugged it down to his waist, allowing the dry prairie wind to tousle playfully through the hair on his shoulders and letting his belly swing free in shower of crumbs, before pushing it to the ground and stepping out of it, proud and magnificent.”
Pillman snatched the vest from Ranna the way a hungry dingo snatches an unguarded baby, and sighed as he pulled the black garment over his shoulders and the pain began to vanish as the healing of his scorched flesh commenced; the promise of full-bodied relief made the idea of putting on the Crudge-stained identi-suit more palatable. As Crudge shook the remaining crumbs from his Identisuit, someone stifled a gasp as the smoking wounds on Pilman's body were slowly replaced by a fresh new skin of scales.
Pillman's face twisted from pain to surprise and fear as he realized what Ranna had done to the vest in the few minutes she held it - altering the garment's cloning process to include the DNA patterns of the native desert-lizard, a creature possessed of unusual healing abilities, but alas, no higher brain functions to speak of.
Crudge chuckled as he wrestled the black vest from the hissing lizard, which scuttled away across the hard pan sand. "I reckon this is yours now, lass. But we had better hurry if we're going to return the orb."
Ranna gently picked up the emperor's eyeball, eyeing it pensively as she mused, "funny how your last hope for sentience lies with me, isn't it?" She straightened suddenly and looked at Crudge. "Did you say 'we'?"
Thursday, 11 August 2011 13:48
Maybe one sentence before and after Kaedance's, like this:
Crudge chuckled as he wrestled the black vest from the hissing lizard, which scuttled away across the hard pan sand. "I reckon this is yours now, lass. But we had better hurry if we're going to return the orb."
Ranna gently picked up the emperor's eyeball, eyeing it pensively as she mused, "funny how your last hope for sentience lies with me, isn't it?" She straightened suddenly and looked at Crudge. "Did you say 'we'?"
Crudge chuckled as he wrestled the black vest from the hissing lizard, which scuttled away across the hard pan sand. "I reckon this is yours now, lass. But we had better hurry if we're going to return the orb."
Ranna gently picked up the emperor's eyeball, eyeing it pensively as she mused, "funny how your last hope for sentience lies with me, isn't it?" She straightened suddenly and looked at Crudge. "Did you say 'we'?"
Friday, 05 August 2011 03:55
She squeezed the Emperor's Eyeball until it burst like a ripe grape, oozing between her fingers and palm; "better hurry or your mind will go just like the Eye!"
Thursday, 04 August 2011 20:59
Argh, typos. Smith, where did our Edit button go?!
Pillman considered his options rapidly, before his mammalian brain became completely reptilian, and his scaly shoulders slumped in sorrow as he said, "Fine, Ranna- you can have my Pottermore login."
Pillman considered his options rapidly, before his mammalian brain became completely reptilian, and his scaly shoulders slumped in sorrow as he said, "Fine, Ranna- you can have my Pottermore login."
Thursday, 04 August 2011 12:47
Oh, I'm always watching. *recently perfected evil cackle* Now to provide a follow-up wrap-up story.
Pillman considered his options rapidly, before his mammalian brain became completely reptilian, and his shoulder slumped in sorrow as he announced, "Fine, Ranna- you can have my Pottermore login."
Pillman considered his options rapidly, before his mammalian brain became completely reptilian, and his shoulder slumped in sorrow as he announced, "Fine, Ranna- you can have my Pottermore login."
Thursday, 04 August 2011 12:46